1. Use time wisely. Must be able to multitask, e.g., sit on the toilet, schedule a dental appointment, fold the towels, and create a mental to-do list, while singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”
2. Be decisive. Must be able to maneuver the fine line between a wet wipe bath and an all-out tub occasion.
3. Dress appropriately. Wardrobe must perform as towel and/or toilet paper.
4. Be prepared. Toys, candy, extra clothes, diapers, pacifiers, juice, snacks, band-aids, Tylenol, and crayons must be on person and available at all times.
5. Remain calm. Moments of acute “don’t do that, touch that, say that, eat that, stick that up your nose,” are to be expected.
6. Make good use of available resources. Wet wipes may also be used to dust the house, clean countertops and “mop” the kitchen.
7. Know your limits. After 14 episodes of Spongebob, 5 mini-meals, 2 snacks, cleaning food off of the couch, the wall, your hair and carpet, 4 loads of laundry, a sink full of dishes, and two poopy diapers, it is ok to cry.
8. Use creative problem solving techniques. Don’t be afraid to “play dead.”
9. Assert yourself. No means no. When in doubt, refer back to #8.
10. “Be chocolate— Please be chocolate,” must be thought a minimum of three times per day.
